On the way back from a stag last weekend, my mate Ben met a sage aboard the train who proffered a few words of advice to the groom.
I've done my best to transcribe.
'I've only met you tonight. Seriously. Have a good wedding.
Seriously.
Does anyone support Chelsea.
Make sure he fucks a brass tonight.
He's got the same dick for the rest of his life.
I mean the same fanny.
Make sure he fucks a brass.
(does a massive imaginary line of coke)
to his mate: He's getting married tomorrow.
(walking up the carriage) Any fanny up here?
*
Apparently some guy kicked the crap out of him on the platform at Euston for harassing his bird.
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