Suck On My AK

Seeing this poster of Rambo looking fully rude and totally ripped in my local coffee shop this morning took me back a couple of decades and whilst making me feel inadequate at the same time concurrently improved the taste of my cappuccino. In my defence gun law in this country also makes it pretty improbable i'd ever get my hands on one of those badboys, so now i figured all i needed to do was grow my hair long and hit the gym.

On closer inspection Rambo looks even more ripped, and clearly in posession of the thousand yard stare that all Nam vets get once they've seen enough action in the field. Not dissimilar from the ten yard stare you cultivate the first time you set foot in the Morrissons just around the corner from Aylesbury station in Buckinghamshire.

I'm guessing the question on everyone's lips right now is how Rambo would react to the extreme close-up. Ignoring the weirded-out looks i was getting from folks waiting in the coffee queue, I went in for the kill and standing two inches away from the source of my idolatry i projectile vomitted cappuccino froth all over the wall. Like a sledgehammer to the jugular, and definitely similar to the pain of being told the lead singer from Hanson was a boy after saying she was hot, Rambo's rudeness evaporated in front of my eyes.

What kind of dick stabs himself in the chest with his own bicep tendon? 

Weird, and i'm thinking counterproductive to being a jungle survivalist.


  1. wtf does this mean? what are you trying to say? are you constipated?

  2. you're right i don't have a fucking clue what i was trying to say. i wrote this 3 years ago. i was a different person. but yeah i'm still constipated.